He said 'He is not sure if he still loves me'

Hi Yolanda, 

I am a 21 year old female. I am dating a 26 year old male. We have been together for over 9 months. I spent the past December holidays (Dec 14- Jan 5)  with his family. It was a great experience, even though most of the time I felt lost and almost unwanted. 

Anyway, I love my boyfriend but recently he has been drifting away from me, and we have been fighting more than ever before. I was worried, so one day I was trying to set the mood, but he pushed me away 'laughing' and said he does not feel like it. Except for being embarrassed, I was also completely upset; so I asked him 'What is going on" and he told me that he is not sure if he still loves me. 

I was hurt. I left his place, saying that I will give him all the space that he needs. It has been almost a month. Now I am not sure if I did the right thing. Please Help! 

From Sudden Stranger! 

Hi Sudden Stranger, 

When I read your email, I could actually feel the love that you feel for your boyfriend. It must have been very difficult for you to just walk away. But how do you just step away without fighting? 

Love will always be very difficult. You can only experience true joy, if you have felt pain. I think you ran away far too quickly. It's probably because the words "I am not sure if I still love you" caught you at a time when you were expecting your love to grow. I mean, you just met his family. That is a huge, nerve wrecking step for any one. 

For your guy, he invited you to spend December holidays, with his family? Not a day, but Holidays. The whole of December with his family. 

The reason I emphasise this, is because I want you to realise that this man chose you to spend a long time with his family. He clearly believed that they will love you, and that you will love them; but most importantly he wants the two parties that mean the most to him to meet. That was a great thing coming from him. 

I am not sure what made you feel lost and unwanted. But I hope you shared these feelings with him.

It must have been scary for you to be around his family for such a long time. After all, meeting family is a step closer to something even bigger. 

And I guess, this became a reality for you during the holidays, and a reality for him after the holidays. 

He did not ask you for space, he was opening up to you about his feelings, which you should have been open to. And I am not saying that what he said to you should just be ignored. It does mean something. But what? 

"I am not sure if I still love cookies" but guess what, I am still eating them. What brought on this change? Do you know? 

The fact that he used the words "Not Sure" means that he is feeling lost, confused and probably unwanted. It can either be "Yes I do" or "Yes I do not". But you walking away clarified this for both of you.  

Until he says "I do not love you anymore" I do not think you should just give up. Find out whats wrong, talk to him. Don't just walk away.  

The truth is, the biggest test by love, is patience; followed by communication. Make use of them, go back to your man and find out what is going on.